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18. Why the Hell Am I Trying To Write Every Day?

Good habits generate the most return in life.
18. Why the Hell Am I Trying To Write Every Day?
Photo by Vadim Bogulov / Unsplash

I am here again, trying to write. Today, I don’t feel motivated to write, but I know motivation is worthless and I have set out for myself to write every day. And yet, I don’t know what to write about, and I don’t know who I am writing for. I would like to be rich and famous. I would like to not have to work except to do those pursuits I choose to undertake. I look at my blog and wonder why I am even doing it. My time would be well spent on developing other skills. Writing? Seriously, that will give me the skills to write heartwarming birthday cards, but it is not going to bring me income. It is ironic because I seem to turn everything into a utilitarian pursuit. I used to enjoy drawing and improving myself at it. Now, I like the idea of drawing, but due to its low probability of increasing my income, I have put it aside entirely.

Our time is limited. I cannot do it all, but I suppose writing has made a break for it as it is similar to drawing: it is unlikely to ever be a source of income. However, I have been enjoying it. As explained in What Do I Gain From Writing? I genuinely believe it is helping me find purpose and direction. While I set out to write for myself, I would like people to enjoy and seek out my writing (besides my family who would do it no matter what). I would like to, one day, be able to say that I am paid to accomplish something I am proud of and which completely captures my interests. I want to be paid to pursue my passions. I am certain many want that. And yet, most of us continue with the daily grind. For many who do not want to live a hermit life in the taiga, it is necessary.

Writing gives me an out at the end of the day, the opportunity to delve into other things than my daily routine. The exciting aspect of my last few weeks of writing is that I explore a different topic almost every day. That surely is not the most promising way to create an audience as no one will know what to expect from me in the long run, but I love exploring everything that interests me. I am also just starting, so I give myself 100 blogs to just experiment and see what I want to focus on.

I really enjoy my writing escapades and am planning to continue them as often as I can. The largest hurdle is the blank page at the start of the evening. I rarely know what to start with. I had originally created a large list of titles I wanted to explore, but currently, I tend to simply do free writing and go with the flow. I allow myself to write semi-acceptable drafts because these blogs are not meant to be edited for hours. Instead, they are thoughts organized in the spurt of the evening.